Sometimes you just need to hit alt/control/delete and power yourself down. Then, after a bit of down time, power yourself back up and move forward.

I suffered a major disappointment last week. I went for my dental appointment at UIC. I had told Dr. Reisberg that my implant hurt for a number of days after my last appointment. I told him I felt something crack or snap when he pressed on the screw. He checked the area and said the gum was nice and pink. He then tapped on the right implant and there was no pain. Then he tapped on my left implant and I jumped in pain. This is the side of the implant where my cleft palate runs through my gum to the roof of my mouth.

To go back, I had an oral surgeon use cadaver bone for my first surgery. When sutures were removed it was apparent that a hole was created in my sinus because of this surgery. I developed multiple infections and sought another doctor to help me.

I found UIC Craniofacial center and underwent surgery where they took bone from my hip to build my palate. I had to wait a good year for the bone to grow and get strong. Then last year, I underwent another surgery for them to insert the dental implants into the bone. Both surgeries involved inpatient hospitalization.

So, this has been over  two years in the making. I was so looking forward to getting my two dental implants so I could have two front teeth. I was filled with anticipation and hope. But then, with a simple tap on the dental screw it all changed. Dr. Reisberg said he was so sorry but the pain was not a good sign. He tried to unscrew the implant just a little to see if I could tolerate it, and I jumped off the table. So, in a very caring way, he just said that the implant by my cleft was not good. I almost burst into tears but I kept it together. He kept measuring and looking at the dental screws and was talking out loud of some possibilities. He did a dental impression and said he was going to have to think about Plan B.

He told me he was going to add about five more appointments to the five I already had scheduled. And so, I got up from the exam table and gave him a big hug. He told me the next appointment he would go in, numb me up, and take the implant out.

I walked to the parking garage and got into my car. I put the key in the ignition and then the tears started flowing. I was so deeply hurt. I had waited years for my dental implants and I thought it was all going to work out. I was so optimistic. So looking forward to having this all be behind me. I thought for sure the bone would be strong and could withstand the implant. But, I guess God has a different plan.

As I was driving home I could not help but think of the people undergoing chemotherapy and being told they are in remission. Only to be told, the cancer is back. This really put things in perspective. I mean, come on Pat, your dental implant by your cleft palate did not take and they will have to figure out what Plan B will be.

I got home and did FaceTime with Colleen. The minute i saw her face, i just cried and cried. After I hung up the phone, I texted my family and friends about the failed implant. I then powered down my phone and my IPad. For two days, I just laid low. I was in mourning and just needed some down time.

I went to get the mail and saw a bag by our front door. I opened it up and my tears changed to laughter and a huge smile came over my face.  It was the perfect gift. My lifelong friend, Pauline, left it for me. She knew this was exactly what I needed. The dammit doll. I would love to whack it against the wall but instead I just said dammit, repeatedly. The doll was so cute, I just could not destroy it.

So, today is Monday, I powered back on my phone and IPad. My little pity party is over. I'm gonna just go with the flow and appreciate all the things I have. Most importantly, I have family and friends that support me. And, with that in my back pocket, I can face anything. Now, let's see what Plan B is!